Teacher: (to class) “So what is the answer?”
Student: “I don’t know.”
Teacher: “Oh, wow- I like to hear that. It’s okay to not know the answer. Let me hear everyone say it together; I don’t know.”
Class: “I don’t know.”
Teacher: “Again- I don’t know. See? It really is okay to not know something, now we’re going to learn together.”
Professor: “You know what, sure, [Walt] Whitman’s poetry could have been written by Elton John.”
A student comes in during the middle of a class in hopes that a professor will sign her add slip so she can join the class. The professor has been signing piles of add slips and is mad that she has interrupted him.
Professor: “Do you know what kind of mood I’m in? The word for the mood I am in starts with ‘h’ and ends with ‘l’. Does anyone in the class want to give a guess as to the word?”
Later.. “The word is homicidal. I am homicidal right now.”
“Every civilization has its wedding cake stage.”
Teacher: I know as I’m saying these things you’re looking at me like ‘that is the dumbest joke ever’, while you’re secretly writing it down.
“The Celts of the north were literally the real hillbillies.”
The teacher pops a Valentines candy into his mouth, then stares at its wrapper before throwing it away.
Teacher: “It says I’m cool. Apparently. Does anyone ever read the messages on these things?” *pause* “Isn’t it weird how Valentines candies have messages? What if you could write your own?”
A student explains that you can create your own messages on M&Ms.
Student: “You can even put your photo on the M&M’s!”
Professor: “Okay, this is getting a little creepy.”
Professor: “When I was young, I used to try to make jokes, and I couldn’t do it. I was miserable at it. Nobody would laugh. I was a self-conscious youth.”
The students stare at the teacher in disbelief, because of the Professor’s reputation for being one of the most amusing teachers on campus.
“But see, Adler would say it made me a better person because I kept trying until I succeeded!”
Professor: When I was an undergraduate learning to be a therapist, we got to watch kids from behind special windows, so that the kids didn’t know they were being observed. But I couldn’t get one of those easy jobs. No, my study assignment had to be stop the hellion from distrupting the rest of a classroom.
Teacher: “Make sure when you say ‘data’ that you say day-tuh and not dah-tuh. Psychologists have a pet peeve about hearing it pronounced dah-tuh, and day-tuh is more dignified. Also, day-tuh will make you sound so much cooler. Actually, it will make you sound nerdy, but that’s okay, too.”
Psychology teacher: “So then operational definitions of house size might include, such as with the Jonas brother’s house;”
Student: “The Jonas brother had a house?”
Psychology Teacher: “Dude. He had a house.”
Student: “I just don’t understand how an infinite number of ping-pong balls could fit in this barrel!”
Professor: “Well, first, it’s an imaginary barrel. And second, it’s bigger on the inside.”
Professor: “You know. Like a Tardis. A Tardis disguised as a barrel.”
Student: *is still visibly confused*
Professor: Bill, that earns you a cupcake. You have set the bar high for all of us.
Professor: Some of you will be working with J. Ignore the evil laughter, she’s actually very nice.
Math professor: “I’m not very good with numbers.”